What if your daddy in the Lord is wrong?

Before I became serious about my faith, I approached Christianity from a logical point of view. Therefore, if a pastor did something that didn’t make sense to me, I criticized him. When I became more spiritual, I stopped criticizing people in leadership because it left a bad taste in my mouth. 

daddy in the lord
Photo: Larry Hardy/T&D

However, in the process of serving my church, I unfortunately began to move to another extreme. I started to believe that because a pastor hears from God, then everything he says and does is right. So I participated in foolish arguments defending people who I didn’t really know. I accepted their opinions as facts and viewed them as infallible. That is until the pandemic started.

During the pandemic and lockdown, I watched in shock and disappointment as pastors disobeyed the government, put their members at risk and mocked their colleagues who did the right thing. I heard a pastor say that the leadership of the country should be ignored until he could hear from God on what to do. News flash Christians, God is not the president of Nigeria, Muhammadu Buhari is. The Bible is not the constitution of Nigeria, we have a document for that.

Jesus, the reason we call ourselves Christians, obeyed laws. He was God in the flesh and he submitted himself to Caesar and paid taxes. The Bible, in Romans 13:1-2, says: “Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God. So anyone who rebels against authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and they will be punished.”

daddy in the lord
Photo: Unsplash/SMO

The worst part of the whole debacle was when other Christians began to support their pastors’ wrong actions. Spreading foolish conspiracy theories that have no basis in reason, maligning a man who was trying to find a solution to the pandemic and generally behaving like they didn’t have the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is wise and even when he shares revelations with you that can cause chaos, he will tell you to be quiet about it. I have heard Pastor Adeboye say many times that he would not share revelations about elections because he knew the damage they could cause. 

So guess what brothers and sisters in Christ? Your daddy in the Lord can be wrong. He is not God. He is not all-knowing or all-seeing. He has his own flaws and personal biases. He can be utterly, ridiculously wrong. And when he is wrong, it is okay to respectfully disagree with him. It’s totally okay to keep quiet when you’re not sure.

We really need to stop making Christianity look like it is the path of people who follow like mindless robots and ask no questions. God doesn’t mind being questioned (Exodus 32:11-14). He is secure in his power and will not threaten you with “Touch not my anointed.” Jesus did not mind being questioned. He answered the questions of a woman with multiple husbands who basically asked him “Who do you think you are?” (John 4:12). 

daddy in the lord
Photo: Unsplash/Matt Botsford

I’m not saying you should disrespect your pastor. I am saying that you should not just do what he says or agree with him without thinking. If what he’s saying has no biblical backing within context, it’s okay to take a different position. God will not strike you with lightning because you hold a different opinion from your pastor. 

And can you imagine how you will feel if you back up your pastor and insult people all over the internet for him, just to find out that he had the wrong intention all along? Can you imagine doing everything he says and then finding out that even he isn’t doing what he says? 

Follow God and let Jesus be the author and finisher of your faith. Jesus is the only one who can’t be wrong. But you see your pastor, your daddy in the Lord? He can be wrong. He can be very, very wrong. 

Can true Christians be depressed? Watch me share how I deal with depression and anxiety below:

I was celibate for 5 years, then I fell for an addict

I moved to Abuja in October 2019 after years of dreaming and planning. It was supposed to be the city of my dreams. Instead, it became the place where I battled the demons of my past all over again.

an addict
Photo: Pexels/Jordan Benton

Kamal and I worked in the same office space and he was larger than life. I ignored him at first because I love to work in silence. However, one day we met in the kitchen and we hit it off. He invited me out to lunch and it turned out he lived near my house so we started to ride home together. 

I’m generally oblivious to how attractive I am, so I didn’t notice when the switch happened for Kamal. I didn’t expect anything to happen because he was a serious Muslim and I was a serious Christian. Then one day, I wore a short dress to the office and he stared at me the whole day and sent me compliments on WhatsApp. I’ve always been a sucker for sweet words, especially when they are well punctuated, so I started to pay attention to Kamal.

Falling for an addict

Initially, I was just curious. I’d been single for a while so his adoration was flattering. Then it gradually became something more. One day, I found myself in Kamal’s house watching him arrange his custom-made drug paraphernalia. He wasn’t trying to hide who he was from me, so I watched it all. I should never have returned, but I did, again and again. 

an addict
Photo: Unsplash/Hennie Stander

Drugs have never been a temptation for me because I’m an overthinker. I always consider likely consequences before taking an action. It’s a blessing and a curse. However, watching Kamal made me understand the initial allure these substances have. You see someone using and they seem to escape to a world without pain. Unfortunately, you don’t stick around to see them crash so you think to yourself “I want some of that.” I saw Kamal’s joys, but I also saw his pain.

The first time we tried to have sex, he couldn’t get it up, because drugs will kill your body as well as your soul. He asked me if I didn’t mind him using porn and for 30 seconds, I couldn’t answer. I just sat there and wondered how I had sunk so low. How was Jola, the prayer warrior/ prophet who God had used to work miracles, now sitting in a dark room about to have sex with an addict? How did I go from being celibate for five years and turning down sex with good guys to this? 

Where did I go wrong?

My answer came on the Uber ride home: I had gotten cocky. I thought that because I regularly communed with the divine, I was somehow immune to human weaknesses. I thought staying away from sex for five years meant I was now able to control my impulses. I thought that for sure the girl who wrote a whole book about relationship mistakes had become wise enough to stop making them. I was wrong. 

I wish I could tell you that making that realization kept me away from Kamal, but it didn’t. He was hooked on drugs and I was hooked on him. It made me understand why people stay in toxic situations, because underneath the chaos, there’s a real person who sometimes shines a light in your direction. I loved Kamal’s light. I loved the way he looked at me like I was a double chocolate Oreo milkshake. I loved how he constantly stimulated my mind and gave me new perspectives on life.

The great escape

However, Kamal was bad for me. I was miserable but I knew I couldn’t escape on my own. So I ran to God and asked for help. I can never forget that day in church when through my tears, I heard him say “I’m pleased with you.” There I was in a mess I could’ve avoided and yet he was showering me with affection. Y’all God’s love is the truth, and it helped me find my way.

I decided to move to a new workspace, and I blocked Kamal. He came after me of course, because I’m unforgettable like that. But the chains had already been broken and I was free. 

an addict
Photo: Unsplash/Kelly Sikkema

Lessons for you

What’s the lesson for you in all this? First of all, don’t ever think you’re above making the same mistakes again. The shadows of your past errors are walking behind you, hoping that you will step out of the light and give them the chance to overshadow you. Be careful. 

Finally, don’t ignore your instincts. I knew Kamal was trouble, I could smell it from a mile away, but I let my curiosity get the better of me. Regardless of how ridiculous it might seem, that still small voice inside you always knows the right path. Pay attention to it. 

I learned this lesson at 17 when a misguided friend convinced me to date a random guy. He turned out to be a cultist. I learned it at 25 when my nemesis ex begged for a third chance. I almost failed my bar exams because of him. I learned it for the third time at the big old age of 34 when I chose to hook up with Kamal. I hope I never have to learn it again. 

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I’ve not been okay since October 20,2020

On October 20, 2020 the Nigerian government massacred an unknown number of its citizens at the Lekki Toll Gate in Lagos. I watched in horror from home until I saw the picture of a bloody Nigerian flag. I turned off my phone immediately but I haven’t forgotten that flag. I don’t think I ever will. 

October 20,2020

Before that day, I would’ve never called someone a “weyrey,” which is Yoruba for a crazy person. But since then I have used that term freely and loosely. Because I am angry and there’s nothing I can do about it. I am angry that the average Nigerian life means nothing, yet all we’re expected to do is be quiet and accept it. To do otherwise would mean risking your life, or worse, losing it. 

I’ve known for a long time that Nigerian lives mean nothing to their government. I used to work in a newsroom and I covered Boko Haram for years. Every morning I’d get a Google alert with the death toll, and I’d report it like it was just another day’s work. I covered stories of jungle justice and saw bloodied bodies burned to a crisp. I reported stories of police brutality where the victims never got justice.

I already know the drill, yet I can never get over October 20, 2020. Because while the whole world was watching, innocent young Nigerians were gunned down by their own army. The whole world saw it, yet no one has been held accountable, and no one will be. 

October 20,2020
Photo: NaMagic

All those people died, and we’re supposed to pretend like it didn’t happen. We’re supposed to forget it, like we forgot the ALUU 4, like we forgot all those Boko Haram victims, like we forget the thousands of Nigerians who die each year because their government can’t be bothered to protect them. 

I can’t forget that bloody flag, and I don’t think I will ever be okay with knowing that all those people died and nobody will pay for it.

5 Common Lies Women Believe About Men And Love

It’s amazing how much discomfort we women put ourselves through in relationships because we choose to believe obvious lies. These lies women believe are so common that you’ve probably heard them all before.

lies women believe about men
Photo: Pexels/Joshua Mcknight

But just in case, here are 5 common lies women believe about men and love:

1. “I can change him”

This is a myth. The fact is you can’t change a man and you shouldn’t even try. It’s too much work and it will probably be a waste of your energy. People change because they want to not because somebody made them change. 

Even if the man changes temporarily, he will eventually go back to his old ways. Trying to change a man will either turn him into a pretender or stress you out and give you premature wrinkles. Either way, it’s a total waste of time and you deserve better. Why try to change a bad man when you can get a good one? You are not a rehabilitation centre for badly behaved men. Cut your losses and cut him loose. 

Also marriage doesn’t change people, rather it exposes more bad habits. A man who was cheating on you won’t automatically stop because there’s a ring on his finger. A man who was hitting you won’t change because he said I do, he will probably get worse. There’s no guarantee that having a child for a man will make him responsible. Do you really want to take that risk? Don’t do it. You deserve better.

2. “He will leave her for me”

This one is straight from the romance novels. Guy meets new girl and runs out on his fiancée for her and they live happily ever after. Don’t be deceived babe. He’s lying to you and you know it. He’s not going to leave her. 

Did he tell you that he’s not happy with her? He’s lying. Did he tell you that he’s confused about who to choose? He’s lying. Did he go as far as wishing he had met you before her? That one is straight out of the playbook of Big Fat Liars. Don’t fall for it, and if you have, it’s not too late to walk away. He is not going to leave her, he was never planning to. He just wants to make you number 2. You’re a number one sis, you deserve to be someone’s one and only. Stop letting that man play you, walk away.

3. “If I work hard enough, he’ll fall in love with me”

This will end in tears. You can’t make a man love you no matter how hard you work for his affection. Deep in your heart you know this because you’ve probably seen other women exhaust themselves over a man and yet get nothing out of it. You deserve love that is given freely. Stop trying to force that man to love you. You deserve better and you will get better if you will just wait for it. 

I’ve tried to make a man love me before and it didn’t end well. So I know from experience that this is a bad idea. It didn’t work for me and it won’t work for you. Don’t strip yourself of dignity trying to make a man love you. You deserve better.

4. “I can’t get anyone better”

Lies, lies, lies. Don’t believe this lie. I admit that it’s hard to leave a relationship behind. Your mind tells you this is as good as it gets. You’re afraid of the unknown and that’s okay. But don’t let your fear of the unknown keep you in a bad situation. There’s always something better in store if you’ll be brave enough to take a chance.

lies women believe about men
Photo: Pexels/Rodnae Productions

Life is abundant with good people and good opportunities. If you’ll just believe this in your heart and speak it over yourself, it will become your reality. Take time to feed your own soul and care for yourself and love yourself. And you’ll be amazed at the beautiful things that life has in store.

5. “All men cheat”

This is one of the most common lies women believe about men. Men are not hard wired to cheat. Cheating is a choice. Men who cheat choose to cheat because they want to and because society enables them. They are not helpless victims who can’t control their impulses.

Don’t be one of those women who buys this story. If a man tells you this, tell him he’s lying. There are still men in this world who don’t cheat. It might seem like we hear more negative stories, but that’s just how the world works. Bad news sells better but it doesn’t mean there’s no good news. 

lies women believe about men
Photo: Pexels/Jasmine Carter

These are a few of the lies women believe about men and love. If you’ve been believing any of them, it’s time to stop. Any story about love that forces you to settle for being disrespected is a false one. Love does not hurt, and you deserve the best. 

For more relationship advice and lessons, you should get my book, ‘Love Letter to My Ex.’ You can download two free chapters HERE.

What To Do When You’re Feeling Behind in Life

Many of us feel like we’re behind in life, and I’m no different. But what if you’re not behind, what if you’re just on a different path than the people you’re comparing yourself with? 

feeling behind in life
Photo: Unsplash/Samuel Philipps

I recently reconnected with my colleagues from secondary school. They assumed I had stayed away because I was naturally quiet. However, the truth was that I deliberately avoided them like the plague. Every time I visited Facebook and saw their marriages and children, it made me feel inadequate. I felt left behind in life.

So for years, I did what seemed like the right thing. I stopped talking to all of them. Then suddenly, last year, somebody asked for my number and added me to an alumni WhatsApp group. I was too polite to refuse so I joined and muted the group for one year. But when I started reading the messages, I realized they were having a lot of fun. So I decided to go for one meeting.

On the day in question, I didn’t know what to expect. Frankly, I almost chickened out. These were people I hadn’t seen in decades. What could we possibly have in common? Well, apparently we all like to laugh. I had a great time at that first meeting and I’ve attended many more after it. And the biggest lesson I’ve learnt is that I’m not behind at all. I’ve learned to compare myself with the person I was yesterday and as long as I’ve grown more than that person, I’m doing great. 

I’m not behind in life, and neither are you, because we’ve all been travelling in different directions and to different destinations. You don’t have all the facts and figures of other people’s lives, so it’s unfair to compare yourself with them. One of the people I went to school with has 5 children and has been married 15 years. My mind tried to get me to feel bad about that, but then I realized that I didn’t want her life, I never have.

feeling behind in life
Photo: Unsplash/Atikh Bana

In fact, I only started thinking about marriage and children three years ago. My priority, before then, was to build a successful career and get to know myself. If I had gotten married when she did, I doubt that I would have been able to make it work. I’m right where I need to be for the sake of my path and my purpose. So how can I be behind someone whose GPS was set to a different destination? You are special and your journey is unique. Don’t complicate your life by checking another person’s GPS. 

Society has created timelines that put us under pressure and we have unwittingly submitted ourselves to them. We are told to either achieve all our personal and professional goals by 30 or bow our heads in shame forever. Would I have loved to be a billionaire by 30? Heck yeah! But seeing as I didn’t do that, should I just give up on my life? Heck no!

feeling behind in life
Photo: 9Quotes

So next time you feel behind in life, remind yourself that we are all different and we will all achieve different things at different times. Therefore it is unfair for us to measure our success by one standard. No matter what it looks like, you are not behind. You’ve just been on a different path. Don’t compare yourself with someone whose journey you don’t understand. The only person whose life you have all the facts about is yours. The only person whose life you can control and change is yours. So focus on you.

What does success mean to you? Are you choosing the best path for you? This is your life and the only person who can tell you how well you’re doing is you. So set your GPS to where you wanna go and trust the process. The beauty of success is in the journey, so don’t forget to enjoy it. You’re doing just fine.

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Malcolm and Marie Review: 7 Relationship Lessons To Learn From Netflix Movie

*This Malcolm and Marie review might contain spoilers

The new Netflix movie Malcolm and Marie is controversial for many reasons but mostly for the relationship it portrays. It features Zendaya and John David Washington as a couple who have a major argument. 

Malcolm and marie review
Photo: Netflix/Malcolm and Marie

This Malcolm and Marie review will focus on the couple and I’m sharing 7 relationship lessons you can learn from them.

1. Tackle one problem at a time:

When you have a disagreement with your partner, tackle one problem at a time. Don’t pile up offences because that will lead to an explosion and that’s not a healthy way to handle conflict. Most of the time, when it comes to arguments in relationships, there’s usually more than meets the eye. This is because resentments have been allowed to build up over time. When your partner hurts you, address it as quickly as possible so it doesn’t become a bigger problem.

2. Disrespect will ruin every relationship:

Malcolm and Marie obviously had no respect for each other so they couldn’t fight fair. He repeatedly brought up her past mistakes and told her his job was more important. She on the other hand called him mediocre and made light of his career. They attacked each other like two wrestlers in a ring and the only place such a relationship can survive is on a screen.

3. Never use information shared in confidence to attack your partner:

If you use something your partner told you in confidence against them, you’ll do a lot of damage. You’ll also make it difficult for them to ever trust you again. Words that come from the ones you love hurt the most so be careful what you say and do.

4. Don’t get into relationships when you’re in pain:

Pain obscures things. If you get into a relationship while you’re in pain, you’re likely to end up with the wrong person. It’s like bleeding into the ocean, you’ll attract sharks. Start on your journey to healing before getting into a relationship and continue the process even when you’re in one.

5. Don’t constantly empty yourself out to satisfy your partner:

If you give too much, you’ll be empty and resentful. Women tend to empty themselves out to affirm their men. However, they don’t usually know how to ask to be filled and that emptiness eats them up. Ask for what you need and be sure you’re not with someone who just wants to take from you. 

Malcolm and marie review
Photo: Netflix/Malcolm and Marie

6. Don’t hang your life on your partner:

Don’t wait for your partner to fulfill you, they can’t. It’s too heavy a weight to put on anyone. You need to find purpose outside your relationship or you’ll remain unfulfilled. Your happiness is largely your responsibility. Marie was constantly looking to Malcolm to affirm her, and that showed she hadn’t learned to affirm herself.

7. Self love is the best love:

If you don’t love yourself, nobody’s love can fill you up. And you will eventually self-sabotage and talk yourself out of good things because you won’t feel deserving of love. Marie obviously didn’t love herself enough to see that she deserved better than Malcolm had to offer. That’s why she stayed even though he was verbally abusive and just toxic.

Malcolm and marie review
Photo: Netflix/Malcolm and Marie

Malcolm and Marie is supposed to be a romantic drama but honestly it’s about a highly toxic relationship. It was exhausting to watch and I kept hoping Marie would leave Malcolm but as with many toxic relationships, the victim finds it difficult to leave. Malcolm had become the center of her life and she had nothing else. 

The summary of this Malcolm and Marie review is that the movie is an endless fight between a guy and his girlfriend. That’s basically it. If you do decide to watch it, let it be because you want to know what not to do in your relationships. 

Have you watched the movie? Share your thoughts in the comments. If you enjoyed this Malcolm and Marie review and would like me to do more relationship lessons from movies, please share them in the comments .

3 Life-Changing Books Every Woman Should Read In 2021

Some books are positively life changing and as soon as you read them you just know that things will be different for you.

I’ve read quite a few of such life changing books, but today I will be sharing only three of them that I believe every woman should read in 2021. Here they are:

Becoming by Michelle Obama

As soon as Michelle Obama’s book was announced, I knew I had to have it, and it was a life-changing read. Michelle is one of the women I love the most in the world and I consider her my mentor. Reading ‘Becoming’ was life changing because it showed me that success is available to all of us and that most women have similar experiences and we can draw strength from each other to live fulfilling lives. 

life-changing books for women in 2021
Photo: Book Club Chat

I’ll share the 3 main lessons I learned from the book:

1. You are enough:

You are good enough for that job, you are good enough for love, you are good enough to do anything you want to do right now. Michelle talks about how when she applied to Ivy league schools, she was told that the schools were too much for her.

She also said that what she has learned from sitting at important tables in the world is that there’s nothing special about the people who got there. All you need is confidence, passion, and the determination to work hard. Nothing is beyond you, you are enough. 

2.  Every woman needs a tribe:

Michelle Obama was very open about how she was helped and supported by other women in her quest to build a thriving career and be a good mother and wife. She explained the importance of having a tribe of women to support you because we’re all going through the same things. Women who have faced the same struggles you have or are currently facing them will help you because they understand and have walked in the same shoes. Get yourself a tribe of women who support and love you. 

3. Your story matters:

You empower and liberate others when you tell your story. Somebody needs to hear about your journey. Somebody needs to know that they can survive because you did. Michelle Obama’s story liberated and comforted many women. We needed to hear what she had to say. We also need to hear what you have to say. Tell your story. 

Get ‘Becoming’ by Michelle Obama – https://amzn.to/2M1oBGW

life-changing books for women in 2021
Photo: YouTube/The Jola Oluwa

Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis

Rachel Hollis’ book ‘Girl Wash Your Face’ was positively life changing for me because it made me realize that most women go through the same struggles and have the same lies playing in their minds. You are really not alone and your problems aren’t unique to you. There’s a whole community around you that can support you as you make your way through life. 

Here are the 3 main lessons I learned from the book:

1. Be your own hero:

We’ve all read the stories about prince charming riding in to save the day. News flash, it’s just a fairy tale. The only person who can change your life is you, so get in the driver’s seat, take responsibility and make things happen. You are the head of your own rescue mission. Get up and get moving and you’ll find the help you need along the way. 

2. You’re doing better than you think:

We all have plans on how we want our life to go, but life hardly ever goes according to plan. Yes, you might not be where you want to be but you have come so far. Give yourself some credit. An exercise Rachel recommends is writing down everything you’ve achieved so far. Try this and you’ll be amazed at how far you’ve come. 

life-changing books for women in 2021
Photo: GWYF

3. Start today:

No matter how far you want to go, there’s always a step you can take today to move you closer. Don’t procrastinate any longer. Sign up for that course. Start writing that book. Just move. There’s magic in action. 

Get ‘Girl, Wash Your Face’ by Rachel Hollis – https://amzn.to/3bjuisp

What a Time to Be Alone by The Slumflower 

This book was life changing for me because of its core message, that’s self-love. As a young woman, everywhere you turn there’s someone trying to make you feel inadequate. The book affirmed my beliefs about self-love and taught me some very valuable lessons. 

Here are my top three: 

1. Your victim mentality is why you’re stagnant:

This one slapped me in the face. It’s so easy to play the victim, so easy to sit and wallow in self-pity. But guess what? Pity will only make you eligible for leftovers. If you want to dazzle in this life, you need to realize that you’re awesome and begin to treat yourself like it. If you value yourself, others will value you, or else they’ll get out of your way.

2. Everything happening to you is happening for you:

The author says “Everything you’re going through is pushing you closer to the person you need to be.” The problems are working for your good. The trials are preparing you for your blessings. It might not feel good now, but it’s necessary, so trust the process.

life-changing books for women in 2021
Photo: Medium/Blessing Makosha

3. Certain mistakes must be made, in order for real growth to begin:

Some mistakes are essential to your journey as a person. The key is to learn from them and grow above them. As Ralph Nader said, “your best teacher is your last mistake.” I also love what Oprah Winfrey said during an interview at the Stanford Graduate School of Business. She said:

“There are no mistakes. There really aren’t any, because you have a supreme destiny. There’s no such thing as failure really, because failure is just that thing, trying to move you in another direction.”

“So you get as much from your losses, as you do from your victories because the losses are there to wake you up. You know you’re not defined by what somebody says is a failure for you because failure is just there to point you in a different direction.” That’s so deep. I love Oprah!

Get What a Time To Be Alone by Chidera Eggerue – https://amzn.to/3s1mCkZ

Please share any books that changed your life in the comments and if you want me to review any of them, please let me know. Thank you so much for reading.

5 Lessons I Learned From The Kim Kardashian Principle

I bought the book: The Kim Kardashian Principle: Why Shameless Sells (and How to Do It Right) by Jeetendr Sehdev because I was fascinated by the title. The very thought that there could be a science to Kim Kardashian’s influence intrigued me. I was also interested in the “why shameless sells” part. 

Kim Kardashian Principle
Photo: AP

I had seen the book online first and then I saw it at a café where I went to have breakfast so I knew I had to buy it. It was a very interesting read and a bit shocking but I was able to learn some very valuable lessons from it. So here they are:

1. Authenticity is key

The core message in this book is the need for authenticity, and I totally agree. One of my mottos this year is authenticity over perfection and the author explains this perfectly.  People want to see the real you and know why you do what you do. He added that millennials have authenticity detectors so they can tell if you’re fake. If you’re authentic, you’ll stand out, and if you stand out you’ll be heard. 

2. Perfection is old school

Another thing the author makes clear is that perfection is passé. Everybody knows that perfection is impossible, so it’s time to stop trying to act perfect.  Kim Kardashian is not the Hollywood version of beautiful, yet she’s one of the most followed women on Instagram and super rich too. 

Get the book here: https://amzn.to/3cyl0L2

3. Hatred is engagement

Don’t be upset when people hate you because at least they cared enough to show an emotion, even if it’s not the one you expected. Hatred affects the same part of the brain as romantic love. The author says if you’re not being hated, you’re not in the game. As long as you’re challenging the status quo people will be offended, so embrace it. 

Kim Kardashian Principle
Photo: Cooler insights

4. Embrace your flaws

Flawed is the new fascinating. Use your flaws to connect with your audience genuinely. When they see your flaws, they see themselves in you and they treat you as a friend. Be vulnerable enough to show your flaws because they’re what make you human. 

5. Be a shameless self-promoter

In today’s world of selfies, if you don’t speak up, your voice will be drowned out. Believe in yourself and show off what you’ve got. Have a passionate conviction about your ideas and your work and then self-promote shamelessly.

The book was a great read even though it had a lot of explicit language and it made me cringe a little bit. However, I recommend it 100%.

New Year, New You? Why You Don’t Need To Become A New Person in 2021

Every New Year, we jump on the bandwagon of changing ourselves into an improved version. We begin the race with a chant “New Year, New Me.” And then we set new year resolutions with the intention of changing our bodies, minds and lives in one year. This is precisely why most people abandon their resolutions. 

I used to do this too. For a long time I’d set goals that would basically make me into a different person. But then I realized that all they did was make me feel bad about myself for never achieving them. I was exhausted by the mere thought of the goals so obviously I didn’t make any progress. 

As I grew older, I figured out that I didn’t need to become a new me, I just needed to become more and more like the real me. We each have a unique blueprint that leads us to our highest self. This is the person you imagine in your mind’s eye when you daydream or when you’re listening to inspirational music. Every time you see that person, it makes you stand taller. If you’ve never caught a glimpse of that person before, you really need to. Because seeing yourself at your peak will change your life. 

new year new me
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

That person is who you need to become. It’s not a new person, it’s you. It’s you at your truest, most authentic expression. It’s you outside the walls of culture, tradition and societal conditioning. It’s the you that you would be if you didn’t have to live your parents’ dreams instead of yours. That you is who your resolutions should lead you towards. 

So this year, avoid the rat race of New Year, New Me. It hasn’t worked before so why do you think it will work now? Sit down and allow yourself to visualize your best life. Allow yourself to feel the excitement. Then when you’re done ask yourself what you need to do on a day-by-day basis to get to that destination. 

No matter how ridiculous that destination seems, it is available to you because that’s who you really are. You deserve that satisfying and fulfilling life.  Attach yourself to the future and go there often in your mind. Let your spirit show you how you will get there, and get ready to move in flow. 

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