The pressure to get married is real. I’m at the stage in my life where I’ve become a prayer point for my family. Like my mother’s pastor says, I’m ripe, like a mango. It’s especially hard when you’re a Nigerian woman because people really act like you have nothing of value to add when you’re single. You can’t even rent a house in peace without being labeled a prostitute.
Apart from the external pressure, there’s also the pressure from within. Your mind plays tricks on you and tries to convince you that something is wrong with you. Everyone else seems to be married with kids and you’re still swiping right on Tinder. Like even Shrek and Fiona found each other so why is it so hard for you?
READ MORE: My life would be so much easier if I could just like the people who like me
Like I said, I understand completely. But what are we supposed to do, fall down and die? I know it sounds unbelievable, but it’s possible to enjoy life as a single person. You might not have everything you want but you can’t spend your days being miserable. I am determined to enjoy my life no matter what, so here are my tips for dealing with the pressure to get married:
Gain financial independence
Repeat after me, money stops nonsense. People are less likely to harass you if you have your own money. You’ll also be able to care for yourself and avoid rushing into marriage just because you want someone else to pay the bills. I’m not saying money will solve all your problems but it will make most people think twice before they harass you. Besides, if you’re financially independent, you can pay for your own space and avoid the people who are stressing you. Like I said, money stops nonsense.
Build healthy platonic relationships
We all need a community of people who love us. I know you want someone to do couple goals with, but if you surround yourself with platonic love, your single season will be easier to handle. I have male and female friends that I can be honest and vulnerable with. If I’m feeling lonely, I can sleep over at their house, eat chocolate chip cookies, drink wine and watch rom coms. Sow seeds of love around you so you always have someone to lean on, bae or no.
Love yourself intentionally
I know everybody screams about self-love but what’s more important is to love yourself intentionally. Pay attention to your love languages and your desires and find a way to meet your own emotional needs. I realized that I always fall for men who look at me with admiration and say sweet things to me. So I now admire myself in the mirror regularly and speak loving affirmations.
Build strong boundaries
You can control yourself, but you can’t control other people. That’s why you need to set boundaries. Spend as little time as possible around the people who harass you for being single. There are phone calls I don’t pick anymore because I know they’ll make me sad. Why would someone call me on my own phone and be making me cry? No please, bad energy stay far away.
Enjoy your life
You have only this one life and time is passing. Please enjoy your life. Take yourself out on dates, go to the movies alone, travel and explore. I am determined to enjoy my life. God forbid that I will waste my precious time wailing and crying because I’m single. Yes it’s hard. I get sad and lonely and sometimes I wonder if I’m doomed to be single forever. But I’ve decided that my life is a gift and I will enjoy it. I hope you’ll do the same.
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