I have a long list of topics that I’m supposed to write for this Messy Thoughts series. But today, I’ve started and stopped at least three of them. The truth is, the things that are inside my head right now are not for public consumption.
If I were to write honestly and post on social media, there’d be an intervention. I don’t want an intervention. I don’t need someone calling my mother and telling her to get me checked. I need to process my thoughts in a safe space with other people who need such a space. Social media isn’t it.
Every post I’ve done before this one has made me anxious. I’ve spent hours on end imagining all the people who are judging me for my poor life choices. I know it’s probably just my imagination, but it’s real torture. Yes, I’m Jola the strong one but I am not ashamed to say I overestimated my strength on this one. So I’m bringing this series to an end.
I’ll still be writing of course, but without the pressure of sharing what I’m not ready to. If you’d still like to read my stories, you can sign up for the Messy Thoughts newsletter where we can share our pain as a community and it won’t just be about me. I don’t have answers for you, but maybe our conversations will help you make sense of what you’re going through.
On that note, I’m saying goodbye to Messy Thoughts the series and hello to the Messy Thoughts community. See you on the other side.