Social media has made us think oversharing online is okay. Why are we sharing our deepest, darkest secrets with strangers who haven’t provided a safe place for us? We are in an oversharing epidemic. It’s like nothing is sacred anymore. I’m all for being authentic and vulnerable, but are we truly being vulnerable or just oversharing online due to FOMO?
Why are we oversharing online
Because of low self esteem and a lack of confidence:
Sometimes we overshare because we are insecure, have low self esteem and lack confidence. We might crave external validation to let us know we are good enough. It can also be because of the pressure to make people think our lives are interesting.
Because of impostor syndrome:
Impostor syndrome makes us feel like we can’t do anything good or come up with anything good on our own. So we go around sharing our ideas and dreams with people in the guise of wanting feedback but really because we doubt ourselves and our ability to create something great without crowd input.
Because of social anxiety
Social anxiety makes us awkward and to compensate we talk too much and end up saying things we had no intention of sharing. The discomfort we feel around people can make us ramble.
What are the dangers of oversharing online
Our original ideas are polluted with too much feedback
When you overshare in the guise of receiving feedback, your original idea can get so polluted that you don’t recognize it anymore. Feedback is good, but sharing your ideas with too many people or with the wrong people can dilute them. If you share from a place of low self esteem or low confidence, people can sense your desperation for validation and impose their own beliefs and preferences on you. Talk about sharing your idea for your company.
Oversharing online opens the door to negativity
We can end up discouraged and lose momentum because people don’t agree with what we want to do. When you come up with a goal or an idea, you’re usually excited about it. But if you share it prematurely or with the wrong person, they can disagree or sow seeds of negativity and ruin it for you. Nothing kills a dream faster than the negative opinions of other people.
Sharing your goals makes them less achievable
Research has shown that telling people your goals creates a premature sense of completeness and prevents you from actually achieving them. When you publicize your goal, you get a dopamine rush that makes your brain feel you’ve already achieved the results you want. This makes you less likely to execute on the necessary actions you need to make your dreams happen.
You open yourself to embarrassment if things don’t work out
Let’s face it, life doesn’t always go according to plan. So if you share something that is still being built or in the process of coming to life, you’ll have to explain yourself to everyone you shared it with if everything falls apart. It’s much better to only share with a select few so even if things don’t work out, your friends can comfort you rather than strangers mocking you.
Oversharing online can put your life in danger
When you overshare on social media, your life can actually be at risk. For example, rapper PNB Rock’s girlfriend, Stephanie Sibounheuang shared their live location when they were at a restaurant and he got robbed and killed.
The power of silence
People can’t destroy what they don’t know about
Negativity is a destroyer and unfortunately it usually comes from people close to us. People can only discourage you from dreams they know about. People can only work against plans that are shared with them. People can only sow negativity into what they have access to. Moving in silence protects your dreams from people who don’t want to see you succeed either out of their own fears or jealousy.
The more secretive you are about your goals, the more likely you are to achieve them
Research shows that the key to achieving your goals without distraction is to keep them to yourself, put your head down and do the work. I like the quote that says “confuse them with your silence and shock them with your results.” Also the song from Usher, with the lyrics “don’t talk about it, be about it.” Intentions are great but results are what matter. If you keep quiet and do the work, the results will do the talking for you and results make more impact than idle words.
You develop more confidence, discipline, self trust and self validation
When you learn to keep things to yourself, you become more confident in your own abilities and learn to practice internal validation. You’re not swayed by people’s opinions and you don’t let what people think stop you. This is not about becoming an island but when you trust yourself, you’ll develop better instincts and know who it’s safe to share things with.
What we can learn from Beyoncé about moving in silence
In 2013, Beyoncé dropped a surprise album and gave a masterclass on the art of moving in silence. She also changed the music game and how people think about albums. The previous strategy was to drop singles and measure public reception before making a final decision. In other words, the best music was determined by external validation not the artist’s vision.
Beyoncé decided she wasn’t going to do that anymore and she was handsomely rewarded for it. According to her: “I wanted people to hear the songs with the story that’s in my head. That vision in my brain is what I wanted people to experience the first time.”
Since then, many artists have tried to copy her strategy but they’ve not had the same impact. Silence makes you mysterious and Beyoncé also does this with her private life as well. No wonder she’s one of the greatest artists of all time.
Tips for becoming a more private person
- Focus on how your life feels instead of how it looks- It’s more important to build a life you enjoy instead of one that focuses on pleasing others.
- Learn to bask in moments instead of rushing to take photos – Not every memory needs to be captured on your phone, be present.
- Practice asking yourself – if nobody would ever know I did this, would I still do it? Are you really enjoying these experiences or just trying to show off?
- Take a weekly social media break – Social media can create pressure to overshare. Get other people out of your head by taking a break.
- Operate on a strictly need to know basis – Ask yourself, does this person really need to know this?
There is power in privacy. There is power in moving in silence. It gives you an air of mystery. People should earn the right to hear everything there is about your life. Even as a person who shares on social media and lives a public life, there’s an art to being private and showing people only what you want them to see. Don’t feel pressured to share your whole life online.