Many of us feel like we’re behind in life, and I’m no different. But what if you’re not behind, what if you’re just on a different path than the people you’re comparing yourself with?
I recently reconnected with my colleagues from secondary school. They assumed I had stayed away because I was naturally quiet. However, the truth was that I deliberately avoided them like the plague. Every time I visited Facebook and saw their marriages and children, it made me feel inadequate. I felt left behind in life.
So for years, I did what seemed like the right thing. I stopped talking to all of them. Then suddenly, last year, somebody asked for my number and added me to an alumni WhatsApp group. I was too polite to refuse so I joined and muted the group for one year. But when I started reading the messages, I realized they were having a lot of fun. So I decided to go for one meeting.
On the day in question, I didn’t know what to expect. Frankly, I almost chickened out. These were people I hadn’t seen in decades. What could we possibly have in common? Well, apparently we all like to laugh. I had a great time at that first meeting and I’ve attended many more after it. And the biggest lesson I’ve learnt is that I’m not behind at all. I’ve learned to compare myself with the person I was yesterday and as long as I’ve grown more than that person, I’m doing great.
I’m not behind in life, and neither are you, because we’ve all been travelling in different directions and to different destinations. You don’t have all the facts and figures of other people’s lives, so it’s unfair to compare yourself with them. One of the people I went to school with has 5 children and has been married 15 years. My mind tried to get me to feel bad about that, but then I realized that I didn’t want her life, I never have.
In fact, I only started thinking about marriage and children three years ago. My priority, before then, was to build a successful career and get to know myself. If I had gotten married when she did, I doubt that I would have been able to make it work. I’m right where I need to be for the sake of my path and my purpose. So how can I be behind someone whose GPS was set to a different destination? You are special and your journey is unique. Don’t complicate your life by checking another person’s GPS.
Society has created timelines that put us under pressure and we have unwittingly submitted ourselves to them. We are told to either achieve all our personal and professional goals by 30 or bow our heads in shame forever. Would I have loved to be a billionaire by 30? Heck yeah! But seeing as I didn’t do that, should I just give up on my life? Heck no!
So next time you feel behind in life, remind yourself that we are all different and we will all achieve different things at different times. Therefore it is unfair for us to measure our success by one standard. No matter what it looks like, you are not behind. You’ve just been on a different path. Don’t compare yourself with someone whose journey you don’t understand. The only person whose life you have all the facts about is yours. The only person whose life you can control and change is yours. So focus on you.
What does success mean to you? Are you choosing the best path for you? This is your life and the only person who can tell you how well you’re doing is you. So set your GPS to where you wanna go and trust the process. The beauty of success is in the journey, so don’t forget to enjoy it. You’re doing just fine.
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