Stop! Don’t send those text paragraphs! Most of us have been involved in conversations where we felt the need to type entire essays to someone in a bid to communicate our emotions and work through conflict. As someone who has sent and received such text paragraphs, I know for a fact that they are harmful and can destroy your relationships.
Let me tell you 3 stories to illustrate my point:
Story 1:
An old friend of mine was upset because I wasn’t returning her calls yet I was posting on social media. As far as she was concerned, I was ignoring her and being disrespectful. The reality was I was in the middle of a major life event that had drained me. Posting on stories was my way of coping with this.
Anyway, my friend sent me several paragraphs to vent her annoyance and I was severely hurt by them. I responded and also said hurtful things in paragraphs. I apologized later but the damage was already done. Our friendship didn’t recover from that.
Story 2:
I was supposed to go on a first date with a guy who liked me but he hadn’t given me any details. I was supposed to travel to another state to see him and that was causing me major anxiety already. Anyway, the day before we were supposed to meet, I chickened out and told him I wasn’t coming anymore.
He responded by saying he was expecting me to cancel and I let loose with a series of paragraphs to vent my annoyance. He replied by telling me that the paragraphs were causing him PTSD from his last relationship so he couldn’t go through with this anymore. Relationship destroyed.
Story 3:
I sent a one line message to a friend who hadn’t responded to my message and he sent back an annoyed paragraph. I was shocked because I wasn’t expecting that but took another look at my message and saw that it could be interpreted as an accusation.
By now I had learned my lesson about text paragraphs and I valued this friendship too much to make the same mistake. So I sent my friend a voice note apologizing and explaining that I wasn’t accusing him. Peace was made and the friendship was preserved.
So how do text paragraphs destroy your relationships?
They make the receiver defensive:
The problem with sending whole paragraphs via text is that they make the receiver feel like they’re under attack. Very few adults are likely to respond well to being attacked, the expected response is a counter-attack which does not help the relationship. When you feel the need to send a paragraph, pause and breathe. Write down everything you want to say in a notebook or document. Then ask yourself if this will be helpful or harmful? If the conversation is an important one that needs to be had, then when you’re calm, call the other person or send a voice note. They’re likely to respond better that way.
They leave room for misinterpretation:
Just like my friend thought I was accusing him, your paragraphs can leave a lot of room for misinterpretation. The receiver can’t see your face or read your body language and since most people are programmed to find negatives, they’re likely to read more into your text than you intended. Plus you’re saying a lot of words so you’re likely to throw something in there that will trigger the receiver.
They expose old resentments and pent-up emotions:
The biggest problem with paragraphs is that they are hardly restricted to the topic at hand. You have so much to say because you’re piling up all the conversations you wish you had into one message. So the receiver feels as if you’ve been bearing a grudge against her and starts to question your sincerity. Because if you’ve felt this way all along, does that mean you’ve been pretending to be happy with me?
Those paragraphs you’re sending might seem innocent, but trust me, they’re hurting your relationships, so just stop sending them.