Now that you’re all asleep, let me tell you everything that scares me about marriage and motherhood

I’m writing this at a safe time so nobody can read it and report me to my mother. The woman is praying so hard for me to get married and I’m here on Delilah’s internet spreading contrary vibes. God forgive me. Anyway, let’s get into it. I’m scared of marriage and motherhood.

marriage and motherhood
Photo: RHOA via Giphy

I’m old enough to have seen quite a few of my contemporaries take the leap and while some of it is appealing to me (cue in guilt-free sex), some of it isn’t (calling somebody daddy wa).

Marriage feels like having people in your space forever and never being able to get rid of them. First it’s your husband and then the little human beings you decide to bring into the world. It feels like the final nail in the adulting coffin. 

marriage and motherhood
Photo: Aki and PawPaw via Giphy

When you’re single, you can still spread baby girl vibes but when you’re married, you have to be a grown up for real. There’s no escape. You can’t drink garri for breakfast or eat noodles for dinner. You have to take your folic acid and disinfect bottles. One stupid mistake and you could end up in the hospital with a sick child. Scary stuff.

READ MORE: My parents have been married for 37 years, here’s the only lesson you need to learn from them

Then can we talk about all the changes to your body. My butt is already huge, how will it look when I’m pregnant?! Jesus be a fence! And my cute little nose and my almost flat belly that I’ve been managing all this while. Will I have to tie wrappers and deal with being called “Mummy somebody”? People everywhere are already trying to call me Aunty Jola. I’m not an aunty, I’m just a sweet baby girl.

marriage and motherhood
Photo: RHOA via Giphy

I know I sound vain but nobody ever warns you about this stuff. It’s a big deal and it’s normal to be scared. Okay this was a whole article about me panicking about a future that is bound to happen. I will get married and I will have kids and I’ll love it.

Hopefully I can regain some semblance of normalcy in my life afterwards but seeing as I still stress my mum for grilled chicken at my grand old age, I should probably forget about it. Ah well, c’est la vie. 

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