My married friend says marriage is a scam, here’s what he really means

I can’t count the number of times that a married friend has said to me that they envy me. “You’re free to do anything you want. You better enjoy it while it lasts.” 

married friend
Photo: Unsplash/Gift Habeshaw

One married friend took this conversation to a whole new level by telling me that marriage is a scam. According to him, things were better when he and his wife were dating. He wants to go back in time and just find a woman to have children with minus the commitment. I understand his sentiments perfectly because I was afraid of the very same thing for years. Choosing to get married will take away some of your freedom. There’s no way around it.

That’s why some married people want to be single again when many single people want to be married. It’s the human condition of believing that the grass is greener on the other side. For those who are married, they exalt the past through selective amnesia that tells them life was perfect back then. The single people on the other hand believe that getting married is the key to a brighter future.

married friend
Photo: Unsplash/Tiko Giorgadze

The truth is, we have failed to grasp the reality that every stage of our lives will come with pleasure and pain. Every new level we get to will require sacrifices. So single people have their lonely days and married people can’t get any breathing space. The pros will always come with cons, and there’s nothing we can do about it. It’s called the weight of glory. 

READ MORE: My parents have been married for 37 years, here’s the only lesson you need to learn from them

My married friend had expectations of what his life would be like as a husband. Obviously, some of those expectations aren’t being met. He was told that marriage is paradise. Unfortunately, those who told him that story left out how much work it takes to build that paradise.

In the area of marriage, I have been something like an election observer. I’ve seen people who are enjoying themselves and those who aren’t. The frustrations of the latter group are strikingly similar. They thought they were getting something different than they actually got.

married friend
Photo: Unsplash/Sandy Millar

I’m not giving marriage advice because I refuse to be a spectator telling players how to score goals. However, I will tell single people to develop an objective view of marriage before going into it. Your aunty lied, marriage will not solve all your problems. 

READ MORE: Now that you’re all asleep, let me tell you everything that scares me about marriage and motherhood

For the married people who find themselves hungry for freedom, please remember that you willingly signed a document uniting you with another person for life. So temper your expectations. And most importantly, stop telling single people that marriage is a scam. You’re scaring us. God bless you as you comply. 

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