How to get over someone you never dated

Almost relationships are the worst. You meet someone who you like and spend precious time and energy trying to build a connection with them. Then all of a sudden, you realize that your conversations are not going anywhere. You hoped for a serious relationship, but it’s obvious this person doesn’t want the same thing.

Or worse, you feel like things are progressing nicely. Your conversations are building up to a tempo and you’ve even gone out a few times. Then one day, out of the blue, you send a text and don’t get a response. So you think, maybe he’s busy. Then three hours later when there’s still no reply, you call because you’re worried. He doesn’t pick up. After doing this for one week, you finally realize what’s happened. You’ve been ghosted.

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The hardest thing about almost relationships is the feeling that they’re not real. If this was an official relationship, you’d tell your friends about the breakup and they’d console you. You’d cry and grieve for your lost love because it was something concrete and now it’s gone. But with someone you never dated, you feel foolish for being sad. How do you explain that you’re crying over someone who never even said “I love you”? 

It’s hard to get over almost relationships, but it’s possible, so here are a few things that can help:

Allow yourself to grieve

Whether your relationship had a label or not, it was a legitimate connection. If it was important to you, it was important, period. So don’t deny how valid the experience was. It won’t make your healing process any easier. Denying the existence of a wound makes it difficult to heal. Allow yourself to feel the sense of loss and then take the steps necessary to heal.

Set new boundaries

There’s a high probability that the person who disappeared on you will come back at some point. Don’t allow that to happen. Don’t get stuck in false hope. Remove their access to you and stop checking on them. Stop waiting around for them to change their mind about you.  You deserve someone who wants you as much as you want them and when you want them.

If you’ve realized that the person you’re talking to doesn’t want what you want, stop talking to them. Your mind will tell you that you can be friends but you know that’s easier said than done. You might not be an official couple yet but a line has been crossed. Give yourself some time and space to grieve what could’ve been before trying the “just friends” route. Don’t let anyone guilt-trip you into a friendship your heart isn’t ready for. 

READ MORE: A person can look at you like hot Agege bread and still not want to be with you

Forgive yourself

If you’ve found yourself in a few almost relationships before, it’s easy to become self-critical. You scold yourself for falling into the same trap and worry that you’ll never get it right. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You took a chance and it didn’t work out.

There’s nothing wrong with that. Can you imagine if everything did work out between you and this person? How would you have known if you didn’t take the leap? One day, very soon, you will take a chance just like this one and you will be grateful you did.

Almost relationships are hard to process. But if you allow yourself to grieve and take it one day at a time, you’ll soon see the experience for what it really is; a minor bump on a long and beautiful road.

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